Teaching Our Children To Have The Courage To Dream

Very few people have the courage to live life to its fullest. Very few people are willing to take risks in life. Very few people are actively striving to reach for the dreams that they hold deep in their hearts. But there are a few. What is it, exactly, that those few have that makes them different from the rest? What makes them keep trying? What keeps them from settling for less like so many other people do? And if you had to choose whether or not your child would be the type to sit back and settle in life for whatever he was given or would be the type to reach out and take few risks and grab for his dream, which would you choose?

Most of us would say that we want our children to dream and to believe that they can make those dreams come true. Most of us want our children to reach for their dreams. Most of us want our children to set themselves goals and then work towards making those goals a reality. But if we are not living our dream, how are we supposed to teach our children the importance of living their dreams? If we have given up on our dreams, how are we supposed to teach our children not to give up on theirs?

The best way we can teach our children to reach for their dreams, to make goals and achieve them, is by doing so ourselves. Dreams don’t always have to be about careers. Some dreams are very different from that. And how we, as parents, achieve them, teaches our children some important lessons about life.

An overweight mother might dream of losing weight. By taking steps toward being healthier and losing the weight, she would show her child the importance of setting goals and reaching them. If she loses the weight in an unhealthy manner, the weight loss is not likely to be a lasting one, and the child will only learn to go for the quick and easy route or that reaching goals isn’t really all that likely or lasting. But if the mother loses the weight by eating healthily and adding in some moderate exercise to her daily routine, her weight loss will be healthier and more lasting. From this, her child will learn that setting goals can be productive and that it takes time, effort and commitment to meet those goals.

A hard working dad might hate his 9 to 5 job. He might have dreamed about writing a novel ever since he was a child. By continuing to work at his 9 to 5 job, without giving any outlet to his writing dream, he is showing his daughter that it’s better to take what you’re given and accept your lot in life. He will teach her to settle. But if, on the weekends, he writes short stories for magazines and writes a bit more of his novel, he is showing her that it is important not to give up on your dreams. If he actively researches what it will take to find an editor and literary agent, joins writing clubs and continues feeding his dream of writing by taking positive steps towards it, he teaches his daughter that it is worth the effort to work towards your dreams.

A hardworking mom might be unhappy in her current position at work. She might dream of moving higher up the ladder in her profession, but she lacks the education required to do so. If she just accepts that this is as good as it can be for her, then she teaches her child to settle. She teaches her child to give up. But if instead, she starts taking some night courses that will help her eventually get the required education that she needs in order to get a promotion, then her son sees a better example. Her son sees her not giving up. Her child will learn that education is important and that it is important to obtain whatever learning is needed for reaching our dreams.

A dad might have lost his job and be looking for a new one. He might let himself get depressed and mope about the loss of his job. From this, his child would learn about self-pity. If instead, the dad never loses faith in himself and never loses the belief that he will find another job, so he keeps putting himself out there for interviews, then his child learns that it is important to believe in yourself if you want to reach your dreams.

These are just random examples of how people raising families can not just reach for their own dreams but can also be an example of doing so to their children, but there are many different scenarios that will still teach our children to value goal-setting. If we want our children to believe that they can attain their dreams, we have to believe it for ourselves. Children learn from us, not just from what we say but from what we do.

What is it that makes those few people with the courage to take risks and reach for their dreams different from the rest? What is it that makes them keep working towards their dreams? What is it that makes them keep taking step after step towards reaching their dreams no matter what obstacles stand in their way? It’s actually quite simple. They don’t give up. No matter what stands in their way or what seems to be making the task seem impossible, they keep working for it. They believe in themselves and in their dreams. They ignore the people who tell them it can’t be done. They think positively about the outcome of all of their work. They know in their hearts that they will obtain their dreams. They picture themselves reaching their goals. And we have to believe it for ourselves too, if we want to teach it to our children.

You Are Beautiful NOW!

My friend Barb, over at Barb's Bookshelf, recently posted on a topic
that I, too, feel strongly about. Her post about true beauty reminded me that I had intended to write on this topic too.

As a mother of seven children, five of whom are girls, I find myself horrified by the images that the media portrays as "normal." The idea of one of my children trying to achieve the size of a fashion model is actually horrifying. I point out to them often where the pictures have been airbrushed and digitally manipulated so they can know that the perfect skin, bright eyes, and shiny hair is not what the model really looks like. I worry that they will see these models or tv actresses as some ideal to try and attain, so I make sure they know that what they are seeing isn't even REAL.

I encourage my kids and praise them regularly. It's easy to do as they are all so clever, creative and kind. I tell them how beautiful they are and how much they are loved. Sometimes, as our kids get older, we assume they know that we love them, but they need to hear it, and hear it often. If they know that, at home, they are loved, then it helps them find the courage to face the rest of the world. Loving your kids and making sure they know it is like dressing them in protective armour against any negativity they may encounter out in the world.

In the world of weight loss, feeling beautiful can often be a tricky subject. I've lost 117 pounds so far. In 18.5 more pounds, I will reach a healthy BMI. That's how I chose the amount of weight I wanted to lose, by aiming for what should be a healthy weight. But having lost so much weight, I have first-hand experience on how difficult it can be to feel confident and sexy when carrying around so much extra weight. Sometimes people say cruel things, but far crueler are the things we tell ourselves.

That inner voice can really be an enemy to your self-confidence. But, with a little effort, you can make that same inner voice your friend. Catch yourself when you are being negative and change the negative thought to something positive. It is likewise with the things we say about ourselves around our kids. Do you want your daughter to hear you saying things like, "I'm too fat," "I can't do that," "It's too hard," "I have no control," "I can't eat that," "I'm stupid" and other comments along this vein, or would you rather they hear you saying things like "I feel great today," "Doesn't this dress look great on me?" "I can do anything," "Yummy! That looks great," "Nothing is too hard," "Let's go play outside today" and things along that vein? Change what you say inside and change what you say outside. Your children will emulate you. Give them someone confident and happy in herself to emulate.

There's a wonderful movement called Operation Beautiful. According to the site,

The mission of Operation Beautiful is to post anonymous notes in public places for other women to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. You are enough... just the way you are!

Women from all over the world are posting notes in random places with encouraging statements for others to find. I love this idea!

My body has changed a lot since my early 20s, and not all of it for the better. My belly has a lot of loose, hanging skin and is covered in stretch marks that cover it in fine lines that branch out resembling a roadmap. I have a huge scar reaching diagonally just below my ribs from a surgery I had after one of my pregnancies. But each of these visual attributes is a gift. My belly stretched out in order to carry my many babies. It developed those stretch marks in its attempt to make room for the cradling of all seven of my children individually. It housed them and nourished them each for nine months. It did it's job, and it did it well. They are marks of love.

My friend Barb talks about her laugh lines and states possessively that she "earned" them. I agree with her. Laugh lines are wonderful to see. They are a sign that a life has been a happy one, full of laughter and smiles. I'm earning some laugh lines of my own, and I'm glad to do so!

Everyone carries some insecurities. Wouldn't it be a great world if others bolstered our egos instead of tearing them down? Or the media decided to use real models with healthy-sized bodies and leave any airbrushing or digital manipulation out? We need to be each others' strength. We need to be the person who says to others,"You're beautiful." Because everyone IS beautiful. Everyone has their own form of beauty, and the important beauty, the beauty that can make the world a better place, is the beauty we find inside.

Everyone should get the chance to feel beautiful right now and not wait until they've reached some ideal in their head of what they want to look like.

In Barb's True Beauty post, she says,

True beauty is not simply what’s on the surface. When you feel good about yourself and who you are, when you carry yourself with confidence and self-acceptance, that makes you beautiful. Beauty is in the mind, not in the body.

I couldn't say that any better!